She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
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