So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
