I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
