you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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