i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
