I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
