And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
