im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
