The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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