M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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