you traded sex for a burrito?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
