New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
