Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
