It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
