i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
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