I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
