My liver just broke up with me...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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