apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
