I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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