i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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