Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I need moral support for this bender
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
