i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
