just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
be right there i have to get my cape
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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