$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
