On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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