I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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