i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So vagazzling was a success
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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