And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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