Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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