Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
