So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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