11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
