Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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