I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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