Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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