I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
