Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
