Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
