remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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