Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
