Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
