im about as happy as oj after his trial
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I need to align my fucking chakras
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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