Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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