Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
