Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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