I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
