I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
