i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
