In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
