we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
