you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize