He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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