i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
