Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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