I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
