Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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