Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
